Last week we talked about trust and how it can be broken down in several ways. When we have trust broken by someone that we love, it can be hard to imagine trusting again.
I often get the question, “How do I learn to trust again?”
The simple answer is by learning to trust yourself.
By trusting yourself, you are able to trust others.
First, I think we need to recognize how much (or how little!) we actually trust ourselves.
Take a few minutes and jot down the ways in which you do trust yourself. Here are some ideas to get you thinking:
- Do you trust yourself to make decisions about your children? Do you innately know what’s best for them?
- Do you trust yourself in simple daily choices? Latte or drip coffee? Pancakes or eggs?
- Write down those times in life you truly did trust your gut in a big way. Maybe it was when you bought a house or car? Or, perhaps it was when switching careers?
- Are you reading this because you left your marriage and are navigating divorce? (You trusted yourself to do this!!)
Recognize and honor this trust you already have within yourself.
If trust was broken in a marriage or we were somehow deceived in life, we often are afraid that we won’t see the warning signs in the future. We don’t feel that we can trust ourselves to make a good decision again.
On the contrary, I believe that we can use these life events to become more aware of the red flags because we know what can happen in life. We no longer blindly trust others, and ask questions instead.
There is nothing wrong with proceeding with caution and taking your time, especially in the dating arena or simply when meeting new people. We tend to see someone’s true colors over time.
As one of my dear friends likes to say, “The higher a monkey climbs, the more he shows his tail.”
This saying can work both ways! Not everyone in this world is out to get you. Over time, someone’s trustworthiness and great qualities can shine through……..just as someone’s red flags can become more apparent.
Despite having major trust broken and trauma with the ending of my marriage, I genuinely believe more people are innately good and loving than not. There are good people out there.
However, even with the knowledge that not everyone is out to get us and recognizing how we already do trust ourselves, trusting others can still be a hard task.
You would think that trusting ourselves and listening to our inner voices or intuition would be easy, right? As humans, we tend to have an inner dialogue and talk with ourselves all day long. Well, at least I do, but maybe I’m not normal. Or maybe I need to interact more with people during the day?
At any rate, I can’t tell you how many women I have spoken to who have heard their intuition speaking to them in loud and clear ways, but they didn’t listen.
One of the questions I ask the women who I have interviewed for my book is “Did you have wedding day jitters?”
Not always, but a majority of women answer this question with a resounding, “YES!” They say that deep down, they knew that the marriage wasn’t right but that they went forward with the wedding despite the nudges or loud and clear signs.
One of the stories that stood out to me is from Jennifer, who told me that when she put on her wedding dress before the ceremony she started to hyperventilate and felt claustrophobic. She took off the dress and told her best friend that she was not going to go through with it. Then she calmed down, put it back on and went forward with the wedding. In retrospect, she says this was a big sign, and her intuition telling her what she really needed to do.
Jennifer isn’t alone in hearing her intuition but choosing to ignore it or to simply not listen. This is so common, and it spills over into other areas of life, not just marital relationships.
So, how do you learn to trust again? As I stated, this comes from learning to trust yourself. What do YOU believe? What do YOU think is right? What do YOU like on your burger at lunchtime? Asking questions will help you know yourself better. The more you know yourself, the more you will know how you feel about someone else or a given situation.
One of the best ways to develop self trust is by being tapped in to our intuition and actually listening to it. Unfortunately, sometimes this is easier said than done. Check in next week to find out the “roadblocks” that prevent us from listening to our intuition.
What helped you to trust others again? Let me know in the comments below.