When I reflect back on who I was when I left my marriage in January 2017, I am a transformed woman. Transformation doesn’t happen over night, but surely is possible.
I left my marriage feeling scared, unfit, and without a shred of confidence. I operated in survival mode for months. I simply went through the motions of life, shocked by the trauma of my marriage exploding and my son being diagnosed with Type 1 Diabetes.
“Not all storms come to disrupt your life, some come to clear your path.”
Today, I wholeheartedly believe this quote to be the truth. I may not have agreed with it during the first part of 2017, as I felt like I was in the middle of a hurricane. It was tough, dramatic, and traumatic. When I share my story, I describe 2017 like a bad after-school special. Do you remember them? Or perhaps you could liken my 2017 to a Lifetime movie…you know, the kind where it is so bad but you can’t look away because it is pure drama.
Myself, along with many other women, have lived the drama you think only happens in the movies.
At first I thought that I was the only one who had a story that you couldn’t make up. Then, I started interviewing other women about their divorce stories. Whoa!! This “it only happens in the movies” stuff is actually real. I’m not the only one.
Even knowing that these life events do happen, it is still always shocking to hear something that seems crazy and impossible.
The good news is that trauma has the ability to wake you up and transform you into the best version of yourself.
It can clear your path and open you up to amazing possibilities, if you allow it.
About 7 months post-separation, my coach connected me with another woman who also went through a traumatic divorce.
Sally and I had a telephone conversation, which happens to be exactly 2 years ago to the day that I am writing this blog post. I know this because I took notes and dated them!
Some of what she stressed to me was that this is an opportunity for transformation, and that when you have support it is not as tough of a journey.
I now know from my own experience, that you need your tribe to help you along. It is crucial for any life transition.
She also told me to look at a potential divorce as a way to start over, to have a blank slate.
“You can reinvent and re-identify yourself,” she told me.
She asked me, where did I want to be and what does my best life look like?
We only spoke for about 15 minutes, but this conversation left an impression on me. I needed to digest what she said to me.
I’m the type of person that needs time to process what someone says or does. I’m a thinker and have to go through it in my head first.
I absorb it. I don’t always have answers or words in the moment.
Sally is a life coach, reiki master, meditation teacher and all-around beautiful human being. She said to give her a call and come in to see her in her studio. This was on July 14, 2017.
I was still confused, still hoped my marriage would turn around, still didn’t know what I wanted to do. I needed more time to process.
Time is a crucial part of the healing process.
There is no exact amount of time and it is different for everyone. When you feel at peace with a decision, you know that the time spent has been sufficient.
Little did I know, Sally never expected to hear from me again. After our phone conversation, she called Jen (my coach and her friend) saying, “I think I scared your friend.”
I wasn’t scared. I was just absorbing and processing it all.
Fast forward to October 2017. I called Sally back and said I wanted to come in and see her and find out what she does.
I called because I was ready to let the trauma transform me. I had made a big decision the month before. I served the divorce papers. I had picked a path. I knew it was going to be a tough road, but I knew it was the right one for me.
I chose to walk the path that was cleared for me rather than stay inside the hurricane.
Are you walking a path that has been cleared by a storm? Let me know in the comments below.
Check in next week to learn more about my life coaching experience with Sally and how it lead to my transformation.