Live your truth with radical honesty
I believe that every woman’s divorce story contains wisdom, and when shared can provide hope and strength for others. By sharing our stories, we begin to break down the stigma of divorce and the taboo begins to fade.
In the early days after leaving my marriage, I remember feeling not only hurt and scared, but completely alone. Fortunately, several women reached out to me to share their story and offer emotional support. I am so grateful to these beautiful souls, as it provided a light for me.
However, many women stay quiet around the topic of divorce, which only permeates the stigma.
I want to change the way we feel about divorce. It happens for many different reasons. We should not feel fear, or shame, or isolation. For change to happen, we need to start talking.
Also, sharing our stories can provide guidance and learning for others currently going through their separation and divorce. There is no road map for this difficult time. What we learn from those that have gone before us, combined with our own intuition, is what gets us through.
I’d like you to meet one of my girlfriends, Destiny. She’s one of my soul sisters. Destiny is a spiritual and wise friend, who has been divorced for about 6 years.
She’s the kind of girlfriend who will give you honest and emotionally sound advice, but will also make you smile and laugh at the same time.
Destiny took an approach that many of us shy away from, but she believes it was the smartest move she made in her divorce journey. She was radically honest from the beginning.
Once she knew that she was driving down the road of divorce, she was radically honest with her family and friends, including her three teenage children. She told them what was going on, which allowed her children to begin to process the changes.
She lived her truth and didn’t hide from it.
Destiny admits that at first, this raw honesty elevated the drama surrounding her situation. However, she believes it enabled her family to heal more quickly and become more grounded.
I find this approach insightful and refreshing, especially since my approach with my children has been quite the opposite. My instinct has been to hide the truth, in hopes of protecting them. However, I can see how not being transparent has created a blurry vision in my children’s perception of their reality.
I am sure every parent’s goal is for their children to heal and be happy after divorce, but for that to happen we do need to be honest. We need to live our truth, not hide from it. For this healing process to begin, the kids need to be aware of the changes that are happening, so that they can start to feel other emotions beyond confusion. Awareness is the first step in the healing process.
Radical honesty enabled Destiny to focus on healing and helping her children process their feelings. They actually had a family mantra during that tumultuous period: “How you feel is never wrong.” This created space for each individual by allowing each person to embrace their feelings.
Destiny’s story rings loud and clear to me that divorce is really a family matter, not just between the husband and wife (even though we sometimes think that at first.) Divorce has a ripple effect. It is a breaking up of the families, not just a couple.
I know we sometimes need to deal with our own trauma before we can adequately support our children, but simply being honest with our kids and allowing them to feel their feelings is a critical foundation we need to honor for our children. It allows the healing to begin.
After honoring her children’s feelings, Destiny also took action. Here are some of the things they did to help heal the emotional trauma:
- Therapy/ Counseling
- Life Coaching
One of the many hats Destiny wears is a meditation teacher. Naturally, she started leading regular meditations for her kids. Despite what they were all living through, her children began to thrive and function well.
Their friends and neighborhood pals began to notice, and wanted to join them. Apparently some of them were dealing with similar trauma and emotions, but had not been coping as well. The meditation circle grew as the other kids started to participate in the group at their home, which ultimately led to a regular teen meditation class.
At a time when we feel alone, having community is so important. If it hadn’t been for Destiny’s honesty with her children, their friends would not have had the opportunity to process their feelings in a safe and helpful way.
Being honest about the truth of your situation, and how you feel and why, is hard. However, it will get you to a place of healing more quickly.
Maybe you aren’t ready to be radically honest. I know that sounds a bit scary.
However, the more we live our truth, the better we can push forward in a positive way.
How can you be more honest in your life?