Discern and Decide

Discern your decision. 

When your marriage hits a breaking point, most people “separate.”   To me, separation is simply that…a “break” or “time out.”   A time to think and re-assess. I don’t think anyone goes into marriage without the hope and intention of happily ever after.   Therefore, separation should not just be an escape (although ladies, I sure know it can be needed) and it is not necessarily the end.

Let’s start calling it the “discernment” period.  Isn’t that what we are doing?  Discerning whether to stay in our marriage or not?

According to the dictionary, discernment means to “the ability to judge well.”   And ironically the Latin root word discerne means to separate!   

By removing yourself from the situation at hand, you are able to see the whole picture clearly and make a better judgment. 

So, while we separate, we should be assessing the situation well….contemplating, really thinking things through. Looking at pros and cons.  Thinking about our future and our desires. 

For every person, that time frame is going to be different.  For me, it took me 9 months to know deep down what was the right decision. 

How did I discern the right way forward?

Daily prayer about my situation.

Letting time give me answers.  (Never make a big decision in haste!)

Learning what I value in life and making it non-negotiable.

I clarified my expectations of marriage. 

Counseling and coaching. 

Finding myself again, and loving myself!

Take the separation, but don’t waste it.  Discern your own path.  Trust yourself.  Move forward when you, and only you, are ready.  This will allow you to make your decision with confidence and clarity.

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